1338：Appreciation to the guru’s compassionate (maitrī and karuṇā) taming

Prostrations to His Eminence Vajra Guru Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, His Holiness the Drikung Kyabgon Chetsang, the Lineage gurus, Dharma Protector Achi, and the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Greetings, fellow believers and Dharma brothers. I am Zhuang Hui Ru from Group Eight, and my dharma name is Hui Yin Drolma. My sister is Zhuang Hui Yuan from Group Two. I am grateful to Rinpoche for bestowing me the opportunity to hereby praise the profound benevolence of the guru in saving me several times, and to repent to the guru for my arrogance, self-conceit, and mindlessness when serving as a volunteer.
 
I took refuge on September 11, 2011. If it were not for Rinpoche’s continuous compassionate (maitrī and karuṇā) rescue and protection, I dare not imagine whether I would still be able to stand here peacefully today.
 
Before taking refuge, I had always considered myself to be very capable and good at judging matters. However, because of my greedy thoughts and attachment, I entered into a failed marriage. After the divorce, I did not truly reflect upon myself. Instead, I was eager to change the circumstances at that time, hoping to make up for my past regrets through rapidly accumulating wealth.
 
At the end of 2010, a person who claimed to be a lawyer approached me, and I deeply trusted him without any doubt. Not only did I invest my savings accumulated over years in his company, but I also followed his advice, taking out an excessive loan to purchase a house with sea sand concrete, and foolishly hoping to gain huge profits through urban renewal.
 
However, after purchasing the house, I gradually discovered that things were not as wonderful as I had imagined. Problems with the house emerged one after another, and I had to bear the pressure of a high mortgage payment every month. Only after I deeply learned about the house did I realize that its base was too small and the ownership rights were complicated, making reconstruction completely impossible. It was also extremely difficult to sell the house. The savings I had painstakingly accumulated over the years were almost gone, yet I was still burdened with a huge loan. I lived in fear and pressure every day; within just one month, I lost ten kilograms due to the torment of both body and mind, and finally, I was left with no choice but to seek help from my elder sister.
 
My elder sister told me, ‘Only His Eminence Vajra Guru Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche can help you.’ Therefore, I sought an audience with Rinpoche for the first time. I reported to Rinpoche, ‘I was deceived by a lawyer to buy a problematic house.’ Rinpoche expounded, directly pointing to my mind: ‘Who could deceive you? How could I not deceive you? If it were not for your greed, how could you have been deceived? Instead of properly doing your own profession, you try to invest in real estate like others!’
 
To this day, I still dare not forget this expounding. At that time, I had always considered myself a victim, yet Rinpoche’s words directly pointed to my heart that what truly harmed me was not others, but my own greedy thoughts. If I had no greed, I would not have believed that I could make a big fortune in a short time; if I had no greed, I would not have gradually fallen into the trap I had dug.
 
I originally thought that I had come to implore the guru for helping resolve the problem of the house, yet I later realized that since my first audience, the guru had already been teaching me to correct my own mind.
 
In the past, no matter how much my elder sister praised the guru, I did not believe it; when my elder sister invited me to attend the Grand Puja, I either refused or slept from beginning to end. Just as stated in the Sutra of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha’s Fundamental Vows: ‘Some have heavy karmic obstacles, failing to give rise to reverence and admiration.’ I was exactly such a person burdened by deep and heavy karmic obstacles. The true Dharma was right before me, yet I refused to believe it and instead believed in windfall profits from investments and achieving success overnight, completely obscured by my own greedy thoughts.
 
I am grateful to Rinpoche for beholding the sentient beings with his compassionate (maitrī and karuṇā) eyes. Although Rinpoche clearly knew that I was irreverent and lacked faith, Rinpoche still compassionately (maitrī and karuṇā) rescued me. At that moment, Rinpoche further expounded one sentence: ‘Sell it immediately!’
 
Because of the guru’s blessings, I was astonishingly able to sell that house within just ten days, a house that could have caused me to lose several million dollars and even get trapped for the rest of my life with no way to escape. If it were not for Rinpoche’s compassionate (maitrī and karuṇā) rescue, not only would I still have been deeply trapped in that situation until now, but I would also never have had the fate to learn Buddhism, make offerings, and serve as a volunteer running errands today.
 
On Saturday, March 16, 2013, I was driving from Taoyuan back to Keelung. At that time, traffic on the highway was extremely heavy, and I was driving in the inner lane at over 100 kilometers per hour. The car suddenly stalled without warning, and no matter how much I stepped on the accelerator, there was no response. At that moment, all I could do was turn on the hazard lights and helplessly watch the vehicles behind me speeding past one after another. I was extremely frightened, deeply fearing a rear-end collision, the consequences of which would have been unimaginable.

However, as the speed of the car gradually decreased, it unexpectedly glided steadily onto the road shoulder and stopped. There was no collision throughout, and I was completely unharmed. Had anything gone wrong at that moment, it could very likely have caused a chain-reaction car accident, the consequences of which I would certainly have been unable to bear. I am grateful to Rinpoche for compassionately (maitrī and karuṇā) rescuing and protecting me, allowing me to escape danger safely in a situation that hangs by a thread, and to once again deeply experience that the guru protects the disciples at every moment.
 
On August 6, 2020, I developed sepsis caused by kidney inflammation. That day, I had been working continuously in front of the computer for over six hours. When I stood up, I suddenly felt severe pain in my left lower back, as if it were about to break, and I could barely stand. Remembering that I had harmed many ants when I was young, I knew that this was my karmic retribution presenting itself, and then I hurriedly performed the grand prostrations to repent. However, after completing 250 prostrations, the pain became so severe that I could not continue. I then mistakenly thought it was merely due to improper posture, so I went to take a hot bath. Unexpectedly, I subsequently developed a high fever, dizziness, chills, and abdominal cramps. After delaying for over four hours at home, I went for emergency treatment at my mother’s insistence. After drinking the nectar water, I was barely able to ride a motorcycle to the hospital for emergency treatment. The doctor diagnosed me with kidney inflammation and let me decide on my own whether to be hospitalized. Since I still had some work the next day, I took three days’ worth of antibiotics and returned home.
 
I am grateful for Rinpoche’s blessings. At that time, I totally had no idea that I had also already developed sepsis, which carries an extremely high mortality rate. The next day, I still went to work and went to the Glorious Jewel Traditional Chinese Medicine Clinic for treatment, traveling by car and on foot; on Sunday, I was even able to climb up to the seventeenth floor by myself to attend the puja, completely unaware of how critical my condition was. It was not until I returned to the hospital for an outpatient visit the following Monday that the doctor was shocked upon seeing my test results, urgently required me to be hospitalized, and stated that he shouldn’t let me go home without emergency treatment. Afterwards, I was hospitalized for a week, and further examinations revealed kidney stones and other problems.

I am grateful to His Eminence Vajra Guru Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche for his compassionate (maitrī and karuṇā) blessings, allowing me to have a lessened effect of heavy karmic retribution, still be able to attend the entire puja smoothly despite my critical illness condition, and to receive timely treatment.

After the group leader and contact person reported my condition to Rinpoche, Rinpoche expounded that I normally ate improperly, only eating cheap, nutritionally deficient food. Only then did I truly reflect on myself. For years, I had been miserly and greedy, even reluctant to spend money on taking care of my body. I thought I was saving money, but in the end, I paid a greater price. Without a healthy body, how could I continue to follow the guru to diligently learn Buddhism? I am grateful to the guru for allowing me, through this suffering from illness, to see my habitual tendency of miserliness and greed. (Please refer to Article No. 1064 on the Traces of Liberating Beings for details.)

By this September, it will have been nearly fifteen years since I took refuge. Looking back on this period, the guru has saved my life again and again and repeatedly given me opportunities to change, yet I have still never truly practiced by following the teachings. Having taken refuge for years, I gradually came to regard attending the pujas and serving as a volunteer as routine tasks, and to regard completing things as learning Buddhism and practices, forgetting the guru’s teaching—asking us to thoroughly change our own evil habits and mindsets of reincarnation.
 
I always thought that I was simply demanding high standards on matters and had relatively strict standards. It was not until Rinpoche compassionately (maitrī and karuṇā) scolded and awakened me again and again that I realized my true problems were arrogance, self-righteousness, and a lack of empathy. I was like this when I worked at a school; after entering the Buddhist Center, this habit still did not change, and I continued to do things my own way, remaining arrogant and self-righteous. I thought I was just requiring things to be done well, and never reflected on whether my attitude had hurt others. Once I had some opportunities to plan work and run errands, I began to be self-righteous, arranging and assigning tasks to others, yet I didn’t consider others’ feelings.
 
I remember when I implored for refuge, Rinpoche asked me, ‘Why do you want to take refuge?’ I answered, ‘I want to correct myself.’ Yet I have truly changed very little over these fifteen years. I read the Thirty-Seven Practices of Bodhisattvas every day, but I never truly used them to examine my body, speech, and mind, making the same mistakes again and again, and failing the guru’s compassionate (maitrī and karuṇā) teachings over and over again.
 
At the puja on November 10, 2024, when Rinpoche pointed out my problem in front of the assembly, my first thought was not to accept it, but to defend myself. Later, when I sought an audience to repent to Rinpoche, my mind was still mixed with seeking merit and moving forward, and my mind of making an offering was impure, so Rinpoche did not accept my offering. Only now do I truly understand that the guru was not asking me to deal with one matter, but to fundamentally correct my inner mind.
 
When I previously had the opportunity to serve as a volunteer translating English for the official website, because of my wrong mindset, I was once again compassionately (maitrī and karuṇā) admonished and taught by the guru and again saw my selfishness and laziness. At that time, I clearly knew that the translation progress was seriously behind schedule, yet I adopted an attitude that it’s none of my concern, and sought only to complete my own assigned work, not truly bearing in mind the guru’s vow to benefit sentient beings.
 
It was not until Rinpoche personally took over that, with even fewer people, each translation could be completed quickly, that I truly realized that it was not that things could not be achieved, but that my own habitual tendencies had never been changed.
 
Over these fifteen years, the guru has saved my life again and again and pointed out my problems time and again. What the guru truly wants me to change has never been any particular matter or behavior, but my mind, which was arrogant, selfish, miserly, unempathetic, and never truly acted according to the teachings.

I deeply repent that I not only failed the guru’s compassionate (maitrī and karuṇā) and unceasing teachings over these fifteen years, but also failed to uphold the vow I said to the guru when I implored for refuge: ‘I want to correct myself.’

From now on, I will surely practice by following the teachings. Upon discovering the faults, I will correct them immediately. Every day, I will use the Thirty-Seven Practices of Bodhisattvas to examine my body, speech, and mind, constantly reflecting upon and correcting myself. I will no longer let the guru be concerned about me again and again, and not fail the guru’s compassionate (maitrī and karuṇā) and unceasing rescue over the fifteen years.
 
Lastly, I pray for His Eminence Vajra Guru Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s good health, longevity, and auspiciousness; his Dharma wheel turns unceasingly; his Dharma lineage spreads eternally; I pray that the Glorious Jewel Buddhist Monastery of Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche is flourishing and perfect, benefiting all sentient beings. 

I thank all Dharma brothers and fellow believers for listening patiently. 

 

Reverently written by disciple Zhuang Hui Ru, Group Eight, 

 on August 2, 2026

« Previous - Traces of Liberating Beings - Next »

Updated on August 7, 2026