648：After One Year（一年之後）
Homage to Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma Protector, Achi, Your Holiness, Drikung Kyabgon Chetsang , Your Eminence, Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche.
My name is Evan Shaw (Xia Yi Fen) of group 7 and I took refuge 2012.09.23. My wife is Hu Xiao-chen (group 8) and daughter is Tai Shaw (group 1).
I have been a disciple of Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche for only just over a year now. While some of my experiences and understanding during this time may seem precious and special to myself, I know that they may not seem remarkable to others. Moreover, being such a new disciple, there are so many things I don’t know and I think I make many foolish and careless mistakes for which I should take the blame for.
Trying to learn and practice Buddha Dharma for many years, I always thought the Dharma was so perfect, complete and clear that one just need follow. I doubted what one could benefit from having a master. Of course, a master could teach from his own experience and provide methods of practice but, in the end, one would have to do the work for oneself. I thought, didn’t Buddha say, “Each individual has to work out his own salvation with diligence?” Over the years I had also seen many so-called masters who seemed not what they or others claimed they were.
I stuck to my own views in spite of the experiences of my wife, Hu Xiao-chen and daughter, Tai with Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche; and even in spite of Rinpoche himself giving me the chance to come into contact with him when he commissioned some ceramic work from me. And in that job, Rinpoche made no demands on me, allowing complete freedom and in the end graciously accepted the results which, I regret, were not up to my own expectations.
Although I was not a disciple at the time when my parents died, I must now repent for not pleading for Rinpoche’s blessing for them as Xiao-chen requested me. Now I know that in spite of my neglect, Rinpoche actually helped them. Both times when I reached America after they had just died, I found their bodies were soft and relaxed, that they just “slipped away” and my brother and sisters were also relaxed and even cheerful. My father’s funeral in America coincided with Chod Puja conducted by Rinpoche in Taipei with Xiao-chen and Tai in attendance and many may recall Rinpoche afterwards remarked that. Here, I am so late to repent and offer my thanks to Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche.
Western education trains us to look at things objectively and critically; this and my experiences may have also made me a bit cynical. And, it took me time to change. I began to visit the Glorious Jewel Buddhist center on Saturdays. I had some questions and ideas about the Dharma to reconcile for which I sought Rinpoche’s answer. Rinpoche’s replies were clear and unambiguous, of course. He also impressed on me that meditation does require a master and that the practice I was doing would make me want to become a monk.
I went home from those encounters with a pervading sense of peace, meditated effortlessly and slept and woke with a subtle joy. The next week I mentioned this experience to Rinpoche and he just smiled and appeared surprised.
I went a couple of more times to ask Rinpoche about the Dharma. One evening, Rinpoche indicated to me that there were many people waiting to approach him and time was short. I requested one more question. Rinpoche patiently agreed. “Will you accept me as your disciple?” “Yes, go and register.” For quite some time, Rinpoche was not accepting the offering of Xiao-chen but that night he began accepting it again, saying “You brought your husband here.” The very next Sunday, Rinpoche conducted the Puja for Taking Shelter.
While I know that there may not be answers in words to the things we wonder about, I have found that, when Rinpoche teaches, he also directly conveys the understanding according to our aptitude. I never approach Rinpoche casually. I try to study my question; often I find the answer in myself. If not, I might ask Rinpoche.
For me, coming from the Theravada tradition, the Vajrayana can seem so multifaceted and various and even bewildering. I asked Rinpoche to help me to comprehend, reconcile and accept this aspect of the Dharma. Rinpoche replied that Buddha’s teaching is one: because of cultivating selfishness all our lives, we are enmeshed in karma. The practice is to leave selfishness. And he revealed to me, “I never think of myself.” Of course, leaving selfishness is no easy task, and Rinpoche concluded, “Just do as I say.” Since then in this regard, though there are things that I don’t understand or have difficulty accepting, they don’t disturb me because I trust in my guru and his example.
On another occasion, I asked Rinpoche how one can develop real compassion. Is it just the result of wisdom? Rinpoche’s reply was that all one needs to do is share in the (compassionate) activities of the guru.
I have had many wrong views about the Dharma. One such view was that, although we should not harm any sentient being, a human being could in self-defense, to protect himself and harm other beings. Therefore, I have harmed and killed many beings, thinking it was right. Thanks to Rinpoche’s unambiguous guidance, I here, belatedly, repent.
I wanted to make an offering to Rinpoche. Material things are just material things but we give them value. I had something that we considered precious. Because of a mistake I had made I was at that time not allowed to enter the Center on Saturdays but I requested to make an offering and was allowed. I feel an offering represents my mind. First, I confessed my mistakes and Rinpoche dismissed those things and asked how I had this item. I replied that it had been passed down in my family to me. Rinpoche said that it must be precious to us and that, because of my attitude, he would accept it and added that it would bring merit to me and our family.
Some time later, our family was struggling with a lot of problems. I did not know at the time but learned later that Rinpoche had directly intervened to alleviate a major problem. When I went to thank him I said I was ashamed that Rinpoche had to bother do what we ourselves should manage. Rinpoche said there was no need to be ashamed. I also said that even our own family members could not help but that now I know the Guru is even closer than one’s own family members. Rinpoche said this is just what Buddha said.
This was a great blessing from the Guru— not just to have a problem solved but to have my understanding and faith in him strengthened in such a way.
I tried to practice Buddhist mindfulness for many years without much achievement. Mostly, I am defeated by my own attachment and aversion. Rinpoche has taught me to cultivate a mind of reverence, obedience and gratitude. When I can do this, it keeps my mind from going down the drain of selfishness. Because Rinpoche constantly reminds me to “fear karma,” I have begun to realize this is the greatest and most practical tool of mindfulness: no cause, no effect. I am fortunate to have such a master who distils the Dharma into such an accessible practice. But a few moments of mindfulness are out-weighed by immense carelessness: it is impossible to innumerate all the mistakes I make due to selfishness, greed and aversion, etc. and I repent for these.
Around the time that I began to consider taking refuge I also learned that I had a serious illness. Infected long ago, it had been developing in my body over decades. After becoming a disciple, I learned how serious it was. I have hepatitis C virus infection which destroys the liver and western doctors told me my case was incurable and fatal. One doctor even said I have only three years to live and had better “go to America and have a liver transplant.” I never considered such a thing. Rather, I thought that we all, especially as Buddhist practitioners live daily with the reality of death and I felt a kind of freedom, knowing about its certainty in this way.
I reported this to Rinpoche, who briefly stared at me and said that it “doesn’t seem so serious”. I couldn’t help but smile and relax when Rinpoche prescribed, “Don’t eat cold things, raw food or drink Coke.”
On another occasion, Rinpoche said, “I know everything about you. You cannot leave so quickly. You have many unpaid debts.” And I always remember that, even before I took Rinpoche’s shelter, he told me, “I can keep you busy (in ceramic work) for ten years.” Rinpoche has taken every opportunity to bless me. I don’t forget I am sick but it doesn’t bother me as I am in his personal care. I feel life and death are up to him.
Last year, I mentioned to Rinpoche that I recently had my 62 birthday and that I reflected on my life: all my adult years I have searched and practiced to achieve liberation but I seem to have not much to show for my effort. I said gladly, “My greatest achievement is to have come in contact with Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. (And in view of my illness,) I don’t need to live any longer time if this life will not result in getting closer to my goal.” Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s reply was his beneficent smile.
Until now, there has been no western medical cure for my case and I just go every three months for blood and other tests at the hospital. Every week I visit the Chinese Medicine Clinic for examination and herbal medicine. Rinpoche recently asked me how my health is. I replied that all the doctor’s say, “stable”. Rinpoche just remarked, “Incredible!”, and smiled.
I don’t know how doctors evaluate the condition of my illness. Last year, an expert told me unambiguously that the virus was destroying my liver (and other organs) and that the liver was not regenerating: the damage was “uncompensated”. However, recently, the western doctor who regularly monitors my condition told me, that in spite of the destruction the liver is definitely regenerating itself. He said I have the disease but with no apparent symptoms. To have the chance to learn Buddha Dharma, to be given the time to live and practice the Dharma, I cannot adequately express my gratitude to Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche.
I only know that, though I am ill, I continue to live fairly normally for now and have the chance to learn and practice Dharma. I hope I can make every thought and action of each day pure and helpful to others. I don’t like to speculate or try to comprehend what is incomprehensible about the karma I have created. It certainly has made the path to liberation difficult and I should avoid creating more. What I am sure of is: my most precious asset on this path is my Guru, Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche.
頂禮大慈大悲尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切、尊勝的 直貢澈贊法王、阿奇護法、諸佛菩薩！各位大德丶師兄好。
我是第七組的夏沂汾（太太是第八組的胡筱貞，女兒是第一組的夏泰）。今天要跟各位分享尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切如何幫助我及家人的經過。
我是在2012年9月27日皈依尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切。在接受尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切幫助的過程中發生了許多在別人眼裡也許平常，對我來說卻是珍貴而特別的事。另外，身為一個新皈依的弟子，有許多事情還不太懂，擔心犯錯，但是在聽聞尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切的開示後，我知道自己有錯一定要擔當。
多年來，我一直很想學習佛法，但卻固執地認為佛法應該完美、完整而清澈，更以為只要向至上的佛學習就好。當然，上師可以將經驗傳授給弟子們，但最後仍得靠自己修行。我自以為是地想，佛陀不是說眾生皆需自己修行出解脫的道路嗎？多年來，我也不斷發覺自己皈依的一些上師並不如宣稱般地實修。
無論我的太太及女兒如何分享尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切的事蹟，尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切甚至親自給予機會讓我親近上師，讓我為上師燒陶器，我仍堅持自己的固執。大慈大悲尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切在賜予我陶器的訂單時，並沒有給予任何的壓力，完全讓我自由發揮，最後更將我不完美的作品照單全收。感恩上師不斷地製造機會讓我能累積福報。
我還要感恩尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切，在我還沒皈依時，上師就已照顧了我的父母。我要懺悔當初沒有聽太太的話來祈求尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切加持年長的父母。我要懺悔並更感恩尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切當時仍加持前後過世的雙親。我在父母剛過世後抵達美國時，父母的身體皆是柔軟而放鬆的，好像只是「悄悄地」離開而已。同時我的姐弟們都沒有悲傷，甚至因父母脫離病苦而有些許的歡喜。另外，尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切更在施身法法會時超度我的父母（我父親出殯的日子當天正好有施身法法會）。法會後尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切還開示有金色的祥雲接引未聽聞佛法的眾生到天界修行。在此，再次感恩尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切。
我因接受西方教育的教導客觀地看待事物，加上自己的人生經驗，使得我成為稍微憤世嫉俗的人，因此我改變地很慢。但在週六來寶吉祥佛法中心求見尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切，請示關於佛法的問題時，尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切皆用清晰明瞭的語言開示，甚至出乎意料地告訴我修行及禪定必須有上師，且我想修行的方式較適合出家眾，這會讓我有出家的念頭。每一次求見完尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切後，我都感到十分平靜，更能好好地靜坐、入睡，醒來後更有歡喜之感。隔週向尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切報告後，上師微笑而帶著驚喜的表情。
有一次我求見尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切時，尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切說因信眾較多，所以無法為我開示太久，於是我求皈依，尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切馬上說：「好！去登記。」當時，尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切也在久久未收我太太供養後接受了供養，更告訴太太：「妳帶先生來了！」而且隔天的共修法會中便舉辦皈依法會。
我知道世間的疑難無法輕易地用言語解釋，但是尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切總是依照眾生的情況做最明瞭的開示！我不希望輕易求尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切開示，希望自己解決問題，如果真的不解才請示上師。
對從前修南傳佛教的我而言，藏傳佛教的多種教法及規矩我有些不懂，因此，尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切幫助我學習及接受佛法，更開示佛法只有一個，因眾生自成惡習而深陷因果之輪迴，所以學佛必須離開自私。尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切更開示：「我從不想自己！」當然，離自私不易，但尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切開示：「聽話就好！」因為尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切如此開示，讓我對上師有信心，不再因聽不懂而氣餒，更希望效法上師。
有一次我請示尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切：要如何生起真正的慈悲心？是靠智慧嗎？尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切開示：只要如實參與及分享上師慈悲的作為，就在上師的慈悲功德大海中！
我懺悔一直對佛法有許多的誤解；我曾認為雖然殺生及傷害眾生不對，但因自我防衛而殺生卻是合理的。我在此要懺悔自己的無知傷害了無數眾生！感恩上師的教導，讓我看見自己的錯！
我深刻體會物質的東西因心態而有了新的價值。曾經有一次我想將一塊自認珍貴的布供養尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切，但因當時犯錯而不能在週六求見尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切，所以得特別求能在週六進道場，希望以此代表自己的心。在向尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切懺悔後，上師問布的來源，我便報告是傳家之物。尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切最後開示，是因我供養的心而接受此供養，且此供養能帶給我及家人福報。
過一陣子我家面臨大難，我原本不知道，事後才發現原來當時尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切已經幫助我家度過這個大難關。當我帶著感恩、慚愧的心求見尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切時，上師竟說沒有什麼好慚愧的，因為如佛所說：上師是家中最親近的成員。感恩上師無微不至地加持及不斷地增強我的信心！
多年來我試著以佛法中的專注自省過生活，但是並無結果。我常常被執著及好惡所阻。尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切教導我要有恭敬心、感恩心及順從心；這三樣寶讓我得以避免時常陷入自私的深淵！因尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切常提醒我要畏懼因果，我才發現這是最好的修行及自省的工具，但是懺悔自己仍時常大意，而讓自私、好惡及欲望蒙蔽修行的專注！
另外，當我想皈依時，竟發現自己生有重病，我的肝臟在長期發炎下感染了C型肝炎。皈依後，我才發現病況有多麼嚴重，當初連醫生都說沒藥可救，甚至說我只能再活三年，且應考量去美國換肝，但我從沒有這些想法。感恩上師的加持及佛法的薰陶使我不曾有這些擔心，並能天天修習死亡無常。在向尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切報告後，上師賜予珍貴的開示：並不嚴重；更開示：不可吃生冷食物及可樂。
有一次，尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切開示：「你的狀況我很清楚，債沒還完走不了！」我更記著尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切曾加持說：「你能再替上師燒陶10年！」雖然病還在，但我永不忘上師的加持也一直在！
去年滿62歲後，我向尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切報告多年尋尋覓覓想求正法得解脫，但一直沒結果；此生最大的成果便是皈依尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切，如果活下來無法幫助修行解脫，那也不需要了！只要能向尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切學佛便無愧了！對此尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切回以慈悲的笑容。
西藥一直以來無法治我的病，目前我只到中醫診所看病及做定期檢查。尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切有次問我狀況如何？我回答：穩定！尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切只笑說：不可思議！
我不知醫生如何分析我的病情。雖然去年有醫生說我的肝無藥可救且不能再生了，但最近定期檢查的醫生說：肝雖然受損但有再生；雖然患病但無徵兆。我知道，這一切都要感恩尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切！尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切教導我珍貴的佛法，更給我時間修行，感恩兩個字無法聊表我的心情！
我僅知雖生病但仍過著十分正常的生活，更能學習珍貴的佛法！期望自己每天的所作所為能屬於善的，更能幫助他人及眾生！我雖無法看見自己的因果，但深知自己的學佛之路得之不易，因此要停止造惡業，好好學佛！學佛之路上最大的珍寶就是尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切！最後祈願尊貴的金剛上師 仁欽多吉仁波切法體安康、法輪常轉、直貢噶舉派永流傳！
第七組 夏沂汾 恭撰
2014年1月31日
更新日期：2014 年 9 月 11 日