765: The Guru Ended My Constant Suffering during Pregnancy

In November of 2012, I fell pregnant with my first child. During the pregnancy, an excruciating headache had me climbing the walls and vomiting up blood. A Down syndrome screening test revealed that I was in the “high risk” category of pregnant females. However, results of an amniocentesis put me at low risk. When I was more than five months pregnant, a prenatal examination showed that my fetus had no heartbeat. I couldn’t believe it. How could I be so unlucky? After that, I dared not to get pregnant again, and I stopped bringing it up with anyone.

In September of 2013, my husband and I came to Taiwan to participate in the Great Indiscriminate Amitabha Puja for Transferring Consciousness presided over by His Eminence Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. More than twenty thousand people were at the venue, and I was absolutely shocked when I saw the extensive list of names to be liberated that appeared on the viewing screen. We had come for the liberation of our unborn child, and the sound of Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s compassionate voice had me brimming with tears. Thanks to Rinpoche’s blessings, I was able to walk out of my haze of grief and went back to work. I also became a more cheerful person after that.

In July of 2016, we participated in another Great Indiscriminate Amitabha Puja for Transferring Consciousness. Soon after (on the first of August), I discovered I was pregnant again, and was overjoyed: I would finally get to be a mommy. Ten days later, I unexpectedly stopped being able to keep any food down; the smell of cooking oil would ruin my appetite, and seeing anything oily made me nauseated. When I was at my worst, even just the sight of food was enough to give me a headache. I tried just eating steamed rice with water and salt added, only to vomit it back up.

For me the scariest thing was that I would have two “death vomits” a day (my own name for them; I would throw up non-stop until I was vomiting blood)—and after each episode, the headaches would start again. Whenever the agony hit me, I could only think one thing: “Life is way too painful!” I felt like as though I were living in hell, and thoughts of killing myself certainly crossed my mind. However, Buddhism had taught me that abortion and suicide resulted in very serious consequences—a karmic retribution ten thousand times worse than what I was already experiencing.

While presiding over the Great Indiscriminate Amitabha Puja for Transferring Consciousness, Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche draws from his great, compassionate vow to liberate countless sentient beings.

On October 24th, 2016, the hospital informed me that my Down syndrome screening test results had put me in the “high risk” category, and advised me to carry on with an amniocentesis. If it confirmed those results, I was told I should abort this child. Right then and there, my husband refused to let me undergo any further prenatal examinations, and signed a liability waiver for the hospital. After I learned of the results, I was once again awakened by some familiar feelings from my first pregnancy. I felt that life was like a repeating cycle: Yet another agonizing pregnancy, with the exact same examination results. I was afraid it would conclude the same way….

Struggling to hold back the tears, I told my mother, “We want to keep this child, no matter what. If I really don’t have any affinity to have a child, then I will accept my karma and the debt I owe. Please, whatever you do, don’t be sad for us.” After hearing me say this, my mother’s eyes brimmed with tears. What a helpless feeling! After all, the world could provide no medicine to remedy this sort of situation.

After a Dharma brother reported our plight to the Rinpoche, he said, “Before this child is even being born, you have had to undergo such suffering, therefore you should realize how difficult it is for your parents to raise you, and you should be filial toward them; furthermore, if your mind changes everything else would change.” Soon afterward, the hospital informed us that there was an error with the examination results, and that my risk category should have been labeled “borderline.” We hurriedly told our family members the news. Our luck had changed; suddenly, we could see a ray of hope in the darkness. That light had come from the Rinpoche’s bountifully compassionate blessings!

Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche blessing Zheng Beibei, who had had her fill of suffering during pregnancy.

Since falling pregnant, I have come to realize how difficult it is to be a mother. For the sake of having a child, every mother is willing to endure pain akin to having all twelve of her ribs broken. And I, always asking my parents for things, had never been a good daughter to them. How could such a selfish person as I be willing to give everything for the sake of my child?

On November 9th, we were fortunate enough to eat dinner with the Rinpoche in Chengdu. Before the meal, the Rinpoche said, “Ask that pregnant disciple to come forward.” He then compassionately bestowed blessings upon me for a long time (much longer than I’d ever seen him bless anyone). The karma of me and my child were so heavy! Had I not met the Rinpoche, how could my child have obtained such good fortune? Based on the current market rate, for a master practitioner to personally bless a pregnant woman for such a long time would surely cost more than six figures of RMB. However, the Rinpoche did not accept a single cent.

The Rinpoche asked me, “Have you ever eaten ‘crucian carp’?” For a moment, I could not remember, but then I recalled a dream I’d had during my first pregnancy of two crucian carps that could walk. One of them had died, and the other had lived. He said that the child I was carrying was that carp I’d eaten, and told me to chant the Great Six-Syllable Mantra ten thousand times and the Achi Mantra six thousand times, daily.

After being blessed by the guru, my condition improved, and the excruciating pregnancy pains completely stopped. By then I finally realized that were it not for the guru’s blessings, and had we not done our best to listen and learn the Dharma, our karmic retribution would have manifested with terrifying force. I am so grateful to Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche! I vow to always follow the guru closely while cultivating so that I might become liberated from life and death. I hope my child will be fortunate enough to learn Buddhism from the Rinpoche, too!

Zheng Beibei is grateful to the guru for mercifully and compassionately bestowing Dharma teachings and blessings.

Respectfully written by disciple Zheng Beibei

Updated on October 29, 2017