464: Heavy Karma, But Still Blessed

I prostrate to all the believers and Dharma brothers of the Glorious Jewel Buddhist Center and to the Venerable Guru, Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche.

I am Wen-Rong Tsai of Group 3, next to me is my wife Yu-Rong Chang and my son Shen-Zong Tsai. My father committed suicide on the morning of October 3. Being my father’s only son, I supposed I should be too ashamed to appear at this venue with what happened to my father, but Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, in his mercy, has allowed me to enter this venue, stand in front of the mandala, and face all you believers and disciples. I am a disciple who has received countless kindnesses from Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, yet one who is still lacking in morality, is full of bad behavior, and has failed to fulfill even superficial Buddhist practices. As a result, my father chose a way to exit from this world that would only lead him straight to the terrible Avichi Hell. Now, standing right here, everyone, please take a good look at me, a terrible disciple’s face; please take me as a warning! Because of my years of laziness and idleness, my father almost fell into the horrible Avichi Hell. And in the end, I still had relied on the merciful, Buddha-like Guru, Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, to liberate my father with his blessings, power, and life energy.

Creating malicious karma — Being ungrateful and not following the teachings

1. I took refugee almost ten years ago, have received countless kindnesses from my Guru, and my father still committed suicide. As a terrible disciple and an even worse son, I fully deserve it!

Regardless of when they take refuge, all disciples find themselves greatly aided by Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. As a disciple since 1999, I am no different, having already received the immense kindness of Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche on several occasions. In all these years, before me, there has not been one disciple or believer has had a parent commit suicide and created such bad karma. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche said that a real Buddhist would pursue self-introspection and examine his acts, words, and mind in order not to cause others pain. I am unlike any other disciple who has taken refugee, in that I gave all my relatives and friends a mistaken view of Buddhism because of the actions of my father and I. Even worse, I completely wasted all the kindness and efforts put forth by my Guru. Believers and Dharma brothers, please make sure you take me as an example of who not to be, of someone that has even harmed his own father.

2. Guru treated me like a son, gave me my wife and I still almost let my father fall into the terrible Avichi Hell! There can be no worse disciple than I!

Decades ago, my girlfriend, who is my wife now, decided that she would like to get ordained and thus wanted to break off our relationship. However after meeting  Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, due to Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s great influence and teaching, my wife obtained a correct understanding of the Buddha Dharma and  changed her mind about becoming a nun. My guru gave me my wife, and allowed a person such as myself, with such a lack of merits, to get come into contact with this auspicious, pure, and clean Buddhist center, to have a chance to closely follow Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, and be shone upon by the Buddhist light of Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. Guru treated me so well, yet I haven’t done anything until now but let my father leave this world in a horrible way. Such a son like me is rare in the world and entirely unheard of in the Glorious Jewel Buddhist Center. That my father would do such thing was all because he had such a “non-virtuous son” as myself.

3. When I decided to get married and said I would like to return my hometown, my guru compassionately instructed us to stay at Taipei in order to learn Buddhism, which is the real filial piety. Therefore, I have had more than 10 years of joyful life since that my marriage. However, I neglected my father who needed the blessings from our guru and the dharma even more than I. I was selfish and content with my temporary ease and comfort, and I was ashamed to be my father’s son and ungrateful for the guru’s teaching.

In April 2000 my wife and I decided to get married and went to report this decision to our guru. Rinpoche compassionately suggested that we stay in Taipei and afterwards reprimanded me concerning my idea of moving back to southern Taiwan to live with my parents. Such a thought was only fake filial piety because I simply wanted to save on living costs. Being married for more than ten years, because of our guru’s teaching, my wife and I had been living a happy and peaceful life. But due to my ignorance and lack of ability when it came to knowing how to cherish merits, I was unable to allow my father to witness the auspicious merit and virtuousness of Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. Nor was I able to create any sense of faith and respectfulness for the Buddha Dharma in my father. I am truly not qualified to be a son or a disciple. When in peace and happiness, I was not able to bring my parents and other family members to accept the Buddha Dharma as taught by my guru. I have been very selfish and living in a fool’s paradise. Thus, I would like everyone to remember that the reason my father chose such a way to end his own life was my fault.

4. My guru helped my son recover from his skin illness. Although this was the case, I was unable to do anything for my father’s illness; moreover, I did not repent in any sense of the word. My father’s illness continued to get worse till his evil karma fully ripened. I am truly a most unworthy descendant!

Two years after getting married, my son was born due to the merits of Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche who compassionately named my son. Starting from when he was 8 months old, till he was around 4, my son suffered from a severe atopic dermatitis. Large areas of his limbs were ulcerated and if not for the help of Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, my son would have passed away at 4 years of age from sepsis. Even though I have received Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s grace time and again, I have not been able to genuinely make repentance. Nor have I learned how to repent on behalf of my parents. As a result, a vicious karmic fruit was manifested. Although Rinpoche in his compassion gave me chance after chance, as the situation deteriorated with my father, I remained unfeeling and simply watched what was occurring without lifting a helping hand.

5. Guru gave his blessings to my father and reduced his PSA index when my father had prostate cancer. However being an ignorant and muddleheaded person, I was unaware of the severity of the situation, and only beseeched my guru to reduce my father’s sufferings and failed to ask my guru to save my father. As the result of my ignorance and fake filial piety, my father committed an evil deed that meant he would be reborn in unremitting hell.

In July 2010, I persuaded my father to travel from Chiayi to meet with Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. Even though my father had not accumulated sufficient faith in Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, Rinpoche still bestowed his blessings on my father for a long time. The next day when he returned to Chiayi to undergo his regular medical check-up, the tests showed that his prostate-specific antigen (PSA) fell from 1.9 to 1.6. My father did not experience physical pain due to his prostate cancer in the final six month of his life. Although I knew my father suffered from anxiety and fear, I only prayed to my guru to reduce my father’s physical pain, rather than praying that he calm my father’s unsettled and nervous mind. Because I was so stingy with my offerings, my father’s suicide was the vicious consequence of my actions.

The munificent virtues of the Guru: The Guru never gives up on or forgets wayward disciples and sentient beings

1. From May to June 2010, Rinpoche did not accept my offerings. However my guru knew that my father was to fall into an evil hell and so accepted offerings on behalf of my father.

2. In July 2010, my guru consumed some of his virtues to help my father to not suffer from physical pain due to his prostate cancer in the final six month of his life.

3. In August 2010, Rinpoche, knowing that I was stingy and not willing to make offerings on behalf of my father in order that he could accumulate merit, compassionately agreed that my family members and I could make full prostrations in the venue. As the result, my father who originally should be fallen into an unremitting hell for his evil deeds, was able to go to the venue of the Great Indiscriminate Amitabha Puja for Transferring Consciousnesses to accept guru’s transfer of consciousness.

4. Due to Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s great power and grace, during the seven days of preparing for our father’s funeral, our family was able to manage a variety of matters in peace. My mother was also able to feel settled. These all came from the unfathomable virtues of our guru.

5. During the Great Puja, our guru used much energy to salvage my father’s consciousness in order to allow him to find re-birth in the Pure Land. Moreover, after the cremation, there appeared a small round hole in the crown of my father’s skull, which was an auspicious sign that indicated that his consciousness had been perfectly liberated. (Please refer to the photo gallery of the Auspicious Signs of the Perfect Completion of the Phowa Dharma).

Written by Tsai Wen-Rong, Group 3, October 17th, 2010.

Updated on November 16, 2010