086: Rosacea – A Skin Disorder

How rare are the merits and virtues, as well as causes and conditions, to be able to meet the His Eminence Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche in this life! Because of my guru’s enlightenment, my life has been revived again. I am a person who is very greedy, stubborn, and arrogant, has strong desires and always thinks they are right. Greed, hatred, delusion, self-conceit and doubt indeed show the worst part of me. It was not until I sought refuge under my guru that I then realized: All mistakes are my own mistakes.

I had acquired near sightedness while in the fourth grade at elementary school. While studying in high school I started to wear the contact lenses, because I cared about how I looked. Sometimes because I stayed out to late at night having fun, I often went to sleep with my contact lenses still in. As a result, one day I had a sharp pain in my eyes and had to go to the emergency room for treatment. I had nearly damaged my corneas and later on I acquired muscae volitantes and xeroma. In 2005, I dared to get eye laser surgery, however this caused my eyes to become dryer than ever. I would need to use eye drops about four to five times a day and also needed to apply a hot compress or else I would suffer from severe soreness and a scorching feeling in my eyes. Altogether is was very uncomfortable.

One afternoon in the spring of 1997, both my cheeks started to turn rosy, just like the color of an apple. This situation lasted for several weeks. I felt something was wrong so I went to a dermatological clinic to see the doctor. My condition was diagnosed as ectopia dermatitis. The doctor said it was alright and that I just needed to apply a steroid cream to the area. Just like this I ended up using this medication intermittently for about eight years. I would always apply the steroid cream when my skin was too itchy to sleep or when I wanted to get well as soon as possible. In 2005, because I mistakenly drank a can of health supplement food, after two days pimples larger than normal started to grow on my face. A sharp pain and burning sensation could be felt and both my cheeks looked so bad that I needed to wear a gauze mask when I went out. Because I was afraid to scare my colleagues, in the end I went to the dermatological clinic to see a doctor. I was diagnosed with “Rosacea”. Medically speaking, it cannot be cured completely so I had no choice but to continue using steroid medication. At that time I was very distressed. Not will to give up any hope, I went across the whole island searching for doctors of traditional Chinese medicine, unlicensed doctors and even tried divination, etc…. In the end I was very disappointed.

Because I had been suffering from xerophthalmia and rosacea on my face for a long period of time, this created tremendous suffering and depression in my life. At that time the gynecology department also diagnosed me with myoma, and that tumors three to four centimeters in length had grown on both sides of my uterus. In addition to all this, ever since I had gotten married we would argue about getting a divorce about every three years. Each time because my son was still to young, I could only tolerate the situation and feel hopeless. My thought was that I would just have to wait for my son to turn eighteen and then we could finally separate. I felt my life was extremely painful at that time but I knew I still needed to live my life and show the tough side of me.

On the night of February 6, 2007, I went to see Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. The moment I kneeled on the floor and saw Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche with my own eyes tears suddenly spontaneously filled my eyes. I knew the His Eminence Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche could definitely help me. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche asked me compassionately “What’s the matter?” I said ”I ask for Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche to bless my health, ask that I can attend the pujas and that I can take the audio recordings of the “Repentance” teachings home”. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche compassionately but also a little bit severely said “Why have you continued eating fish, eating meat…” To which I immediately replied “Yes, as of tonight I will start to be a vegetarian”. Meanwhile, Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche also blessed me and enlightened me on the reason why I was sick. Everything that I had asked for, Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche agreed to them all. Therefore, I left the Glorious Jewel Jewelry Company very excited and grateful. I thought that the next day I would come again to ask to seek refuge. On February 7th I went to see Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche again. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche granted my request to seek refuge and asked me to register my name. And so I waited all the way to April 17, 2007 when there was a puja for taking refuge, at which I was finally able to become a disciple of Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche.

On the 27th of March, due to the itching and pain I felt on my face, I went to see Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. I felt very repentant and also went to the Glorious Jewel Chinese Medicine Clinic to see the doctor.

On March 29th, I went to the gynecology department to check on my myoma. Unexpectedly size of the tumors had reduced by 1 to 2 centimeters on both the right and left sides.

On April 2nd I went to the Glorious Jewel Chinese Medicine Clinic to see the doctor. Dr. Kuo told me very nicely that because I had been taking steroids for such a long period of time, it was necessary for the toxins to be completely flushed from my system. She also suggested that I apply Baoyuan ointment and not to apply steroids anymore. On April 3rd, after taking the first pack of medication, big and small poxes started to form on my face just like the doctor had said (my face was red, swollen, burning and had sharp pain). From April 5th to April 8th, it just so happened to be spring break and I realized how very compassionate and careful Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche was because during this period of time I happened to have the chance to rest at home. On April 10th I hurried to meet Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche to express my appreciation and repent, for the toxins had been released smoothly without incident. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche gave me a nectar pill to swallow and gave me his blessing as well. At that time, I really cried my eyes out and sniveled, wondering what I had done to deserve this great benefit? I should have to bear all my karmic debts on my own and yet this great enlightened practitioner had used up his own virtues and physical strength to help and bless me. It was for this that I felt a great shame in my heart. One of the most exciting things that happened was that before I sought refuge, Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche had agreed to allow me to attend a trip to Nepal to see him off for his retreat practice. It was really a rare opportunity to be able to travel with my guru for my first trip abroad. It is because this opportunity is so rare that every time there is a chance to pay homage abroad, I always try to grasp the opportunity and treasure it.

It’s been more than a year since I have sought refuge. I am grateful to my guru. Have I not met my guru, I would not have been reborn again.

Now when I get sick I become even happier because it is an opportunity to repent and repay my karmic debts. Also I am already independent in regards to my marriage and everything is perfect. All this has been bestowed upon me by my guru. My guru has unceasingly taught us that there is not much time left. We must cherish of the cause and condition that has allowed us the opportunity to practice the Buddha Dharma in this life. I will definitely follow my guru closely in learning to obey precepts and practice the Ten Meritorious Acts so that I am able to be liberated from the cycle of birth and death and no longer need to be reincarnated again.

2008/12/22, Second group, Li-Zhu Liu

Updated on November 25, 2009