066: The Immense Kindness of the Guru to an Unwise Disciple
I sought refuge under the His Eminence Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche on March 31st of 2001. After seeking refuge, I was constantly blessed and helped by H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche.
I had been infertile, but after seeking refuge I was pregnant twice. However, due to a lack of reverence and faith in Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, I lost pregnancies these two times. After the second miscarriage, I repented my misdeeds to Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche compassionately taught me that it was because I did not follow the teachings to practice. I recalled that Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche had been enlightening us if we could not follow the Guru’s teachings, we would not be able to change our karma. I was a living example of such ignorance. At that time, H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche patiently enlightened me without dislike nor annoy for a long while. I saw an aura over H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s face, merciful and tender as moonlight. As I think of the Guru’s merciful face of that moment, my eyes soon moisten. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche also instructed my husband to take me to seek treatment from Traditional Chinese Medicine and to bring me a nectar pill daily. As a result, my health gradually recovered.
In September of 2006, my father felt ill and then was hospitalized. My family and I thought he simply had a minor cold and would soon recover. Nonetheless, life is impermanent! Since then, my father never left the hospital till he passed away in November of 2006. During the three months of his hospitalization, the doctors could not diagnose any causes for the illness. Without the blessings and the help of H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, we would have no idea how long my father would suffer the torments caused by pain of disease, and the pains could not have been alleviated either. Because of the help from H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, my father was able to awake from his coma. Because of H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s merciful blessings, his belly which had been bulging and pregnant-like was completely reduced within one day. The day before my father died, he lay in bed, greeting us and smiling. My father showed no sign of sadness, even though he was in pain. He was still awake when I went to see him at about 11 PM after the Chod puja that evening. Right then, I told him, “Father you go ahead to the Pure Land and wait for us.” My father nodded and smiled. I had never seen him with such smile in my whole life as if his entire body was relaxed without attachment. My father died in his sleep the next day at around noon. Unfortunately, because we, as his children, had not followed H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s teachings to practice, my father could not accumulate sufficient virtues to obtain the Phowa Dharam of H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche. Even so, H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche mercifully and compassionately recited mantras for my father to protect his consciousness which would be able to be transferred during the next Chod puja.
As I was on my way to repent to H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche, Dharma Brother Wei mentioned to me Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche said that I had squabbled too much with my siblings and that if my siblings would not like to do full prostrations, then I could do it for them! H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche also queried whether my husband had done any full prostration. Right then, I was struck by Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche’s words which revealed the major problem in me. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche was tens of thousands times more concerned about the deceased than we so called children of the deceased. For this I felt deeply ashamed!
I am a negligent and unwise disciple. However, the merciful H.E. Rinchen Dorjee Rinpoche has kept helping and blessings me, and has never asked anything for return. It is my hope that, taking me as an example, no one would ever make the same mistake.
Disciple Fang-Yi Lee writes this in shame
December 12th of 2008
Updated on February 7, 2009